Monday, December 04, 2006
FOURTEEN
Expression: somewhere all relationships boil down to that. In my brief stay around here, watching people and how associations develop and disintegrate that seems to be the principle pivot, which makes or breaks things. That is what brings people, feelings and beliefs alive. Irrespective of lack of geographical proximity or 24x7 togetherness, the ability to communicate what you feel about yourself, about the other person and about the relationship you share is where it all is at.
The more successful relationships (and we are not talking only in the ambit of man and woman here) I see around me the more I realize that the channels of honest and meaningful expression seem to be the fire around which the richness of companionship is fostered.
Verbal or otherwise, in the absence of honest and consistent expression, distance and misunderstandings are inevitable. Men, more often than not, use the excuse of once stating their feelings and assuming the rest will be taken care of. The excuse is ‘Hey! Do I have to keep telling you? You know how I feel!!!’ Of course, these are the same men who have thereafter been victims of not understanding what their partners want, what they want in turn and how come the other guy his partner hangs out with knows so much about her and he so little.
Let us accept we are in a world, which is short of supply on people who express how they feel. Though tagged a feminine quality (by men, who else) it is one of the fundamental precepts of a strong and healthy relationship. Think about it, the child (who is said to be the purest form of the being) expresses himself at every point: the channels of communication are always on open-mode. To my mind, what men don’t understand (and that is why women are far better at handling relationships) is that if you don’t express how you feel, your feelings don’t matter beyond a point.
But weren’t there successful marriages before us when expression was more a social construct or around transactions. How did those last? The answer perhaps lies in the opening sentence of this paragraph, in the words ‘before us’. When the world has moved on, the nature of the male and the female has moved on, when the roles are blurring when the grey is the predominant color, when temptation waits in every text message, how will the mores of the past see us through?
Expression: somewhere all relationships boil down to that. In my brief stay around here, watching people and how associations develop and disintegrate that seems to be the principle pivot, which makes or breaks things. That is what brings people, feelings and beliefs alive. Irrespective of lack of geographical proximity or 24x7 togetherness, the ability to communicate what you feel about yourself, about the other person and about the relationship you share is where it all is at.
The more successful relationships (and we are not talking only in the ambit of man and woman here) I see around me the more I realize that the channels of honest and meaningful expression seem to be the fire around which the richness of companionship is fostered.
Verbal or otherwise, in the absence of honest and consistent expression, distance and misunderstandings are inevitable. Men, more often than not, use the excuse of once stating their feelings and assuming the rest will be taken care of. The excuse is ‘Hey! Do I have to keep telling you? You know how I feel!!!’ Of course, these are the same men who have thereafter been victims of not understanding what their partners want, what they want in turn and how come the other guy his partner hangs out with knows so much about her and he so little.
Let us accept we are in a world, which is short of supply on people who express how they feel. Though tagged a feminine quality (by men, who else) it is one of the fundamental precepts of a strong and healthy relationship. Think about it, the child (who is said to be the purest form of the being) expresses himself at every point: the channels of communication are always on open-mode. To my mind, what men don’t understand (and that is why women are far better at handling relationships) is that if you don’t express how you feel, your feelings don’t matter beyond a point.
But weren’t there successful marriages before us when expression was more a social construct or around transactions. How did those last? The answer perhaps lies in the opening sentence of this paragraph, in the words ‘before us’. When the world has moved on, the nature of the male and the female has moved on, when the roles are blurring when the grey is the predominant color, when temptation waits in every text message, how will the mores of the past see us through?
# posted by goldfluke @ 7:20 AM 
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Hey! Do I have to keep telling you? You know how I feel!!!
- feelings are a state of one's own heart and mind- to know another's ; needs one to get under his/her skin to know how he/she feels
- until then life for me has no meaning
- feelings are a state of one's own heart and mind- to know another's ; needs one to get under his/her skin to know how he/she feels
- until then life for me has no meaning
The problem happens when one who places great importance on expression meets one who has an innate hesitation to express openly/ quickly/ entirely/ easily.
The former's efforts in aiding the latter to express (before the latter feels ready to open up anyway) can make the latter clam up more than ever
Also, the problem with the former is that verbal expression seems to be crying need. Non-verbals don't seem to work very well.
The former's efforts in aiding the latter to express (before the latter feels ready to open up anyway) can make the latter clam up more than ever
Also, the problem with the former is that verbal expression seems to be crying need. Non-verbals don't seem to work very well.
That aside though, there is no doubt that your words are absolutely true.
Communication is the key to rich and meaningful relationships
Vows, promises, assurances need to be reinforced too, i agree. Repeated too often however, most truths lose their sheen of sincerity or credibility...
Communication is the key to rich and meaningful relationships
Vows, promises, assurances need to be reinforced too, i agree. Repeated too often however, most truths lose their sheen of sincerity or credibility...
well writen.
not just because it's articulate, but primarily because i like how clearly the thought was fleshed out.
this, was a pleasure to read.
not just because it's articulate, but primarily because i like how clearly the thought was fleshed out.
this, was a pleasure to read.
How true :)
Although I believe it's equally important to change how you express what you feel. It should not be so consistent and thought through that it becomes a pattern and thereby thoughtless. Unpredictability also aids in reinventing expectations and thereby the relationship. Equally important?
8:38 PM
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Although I believe it's equally important to change how you express what you feel. It should not be so consistent and thought through that it becomes a pattern and thereby thoughtless. Unpredictability also aids in reinventing expectations and thereby the relationship. Equally important?
8:38 PM
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